In her 17 years at Sandia National Labs, as a manager in the Robotics Center, Margaret helped pioneer a Post-Cold War era collaboration with Russian scientists to develop affordable prosthetics for child and adult victims of land mines under the Nuclear Cities Initiative. After Sandia, she spent the past 8 years as a member of Wycliffe Bible Translators leading strategic planning and managing Bible translation projects. She worked tirelessly to develop new Bible translation projects led by indigenous people. She was a compelling advocate for the proposition that every people group, no matter how small, should have the Bible in their own language. Margaret was a member of New Covenant Church, where she served as a missions leader and a discussion leader of small group Bible studies. She always recalled with great fondness the friends she made during her seven years as a discussion leader for Women’s Bible Study Fellowship and as an instructor for the Perspectives on the World Christian Movement course. Her most contented times were in raising a family and enjoying the outdoors as a hiker, a bird watcher, a photographer, and a participant in bicycle touring. She had a special affection for the people of West Africa, a calling to reach out to Muslim women, and a deep motherly love for street children and those orphaned by AIDS. She was a hands-on participant in a ministry to the street children of Meru, Kenya. Her heart was always open to those in need, and her energy was unceasing to reach the lost. She put others before herself throughout her exceptional life.

At Margaret’s memorial service, Chris shared three lessons he had learned from his wife on how to live an exceptional life.   First, serve a purpose larger than yourself.  Second, align your life as precisely as possible with the way God made you.  Third, live beyond the limit of your own natural abilities. This requires God’s supernatural power working in your life.

Chris shares this story:

In 1999, Margaret and I went to India for the first time on a mission trip led by Matthew Ellison. In India, especially in the big cities, you encounter the most agonizing examples of the degradation of the human spirit. Acres of slums where human beings live in cardboard boxes and drink from open sewers. People die in the dirt next to roads filled with busses and limousines. Children are grievously maimed or crippled by their own parents in order to make them more appealing as beggars. We saw all of these horrors. The third night we were in India, I was awakened at 2 AM because our bed in the hotel was shaking. At first I thought there was an earthquake until I turned over to find Margaret sobbing uncontrollably. The thoughts and emotions prompted by what we were seeing and which she could not express during the daily structured activities of the trip agenda came pouring out. For the rest of the trip, we would awaken every night. I would hold Margaret in my arms and she would cry.

On the way home from India she said to me, “We cannot go back to living as we have been living. Even our religion has been all about making ourselves feel good. Unless these people we have seen in India and people like them all over the world come to know Jesus, none of what we have seen will ever change.”

We share the stories of our soul friends, not to glorify them, but to inspire and encourage future generations to live exceptional lives.  The glory belongs to God for his transformative work in our lives.

In observing the Passover meal with his disciples, Jesus said, “As often as you do this, do this in remembrance of me.”  Our Lord’s last words of instruction to his friends were, “teach my disciples everything I have taught you.” They became stewards of the life of Jesus and of the good news he proclaimed.  They remembered him with their words, their actions, and ultimately with their lives.  Eternal life is not only living forever, it a life that is remembered through our family and friends through eternity.

A colleague recently retired prematurely from a Christian organization because he could not stay and watch the legacy of its founder destroyed.   He is stewarding a life.

Whose legacy do you feel responsible for?  Whose lives will you steward?

One alcoholic asked the question, “Where else can you go in this world and receive this kind of love, acceptance, and not be judged?” They encouraged one another. They loved one another unconditionally. They shared what had helped them get through the program. The success of those receiving chips cheered on others to become free of this addiction. This is what church ought to be.

There was camaraderie in the room. Each opened with a familiar introduction, “Hi, I’m __________. I’m an alcoholic.” There was no pretense. It made no difference if you were a lawyer, banker, housewife/househusband, or living on the streets. Old, young, brown, yellow, or white, we were all the same. The particulars of the journey and life experiences might be different, but the control of alcohol on their lives linked them together.

“Humility is good for the soul,” one member said. Indeed, recognizing our powerlessness to change ourselves is a humbling thing. It was this admission of need, this confession that they were powerless, this calling for help from God and others that was liberating. This is what is missing in many churches. We present the false impression that our lives are perfect, that we are in control, that we have all of the answers. What if we started our Bible studies with “Hi, I’m __________. I’m a sinner. It has been XX days/months/years since I came to trust in Jesus?” I believe this lack of transparency; this failure to humbly confess our sin and sinful nature is what prevents transformation in the lives of those who desire to follow Christ.

Those in AA understand the journey of pain, hurtfulness toward others, and self-destruction that characterizes the addictive life. The drug of choice at this meeting was alcohol. For others of us, our drug of choice may be food, sex, work, drugs, exercise, or religious legalism. Several times the members of this group said that honesty with yourselves and others was imperative for healing. Can we be brutally honest before others about our addictions, or is our judgment of others a means to point the finger away from our own sin?

Jesus said in Matthew 7:1-3 (NIV): “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Jesus was saying, “Work your own program.”

Members of AA rejoice with those who, through a higher power, have overcome. A sober alcoholic said, “If it never gets any better than this, I will have been overpaid.” We clapped our hands in grateful acknowledgment of God’s work in this person. What a statement of grace!

My friend has sponsored several people who courageously battled this addiction and won. Two of those friends were there today–one who had been sober 16 years, another 4 years. This is evangelism.

For more on the twelve steps of recovery, check out: http://www.12step.org/references/versions-of-the-12-steps.html

However, the most poignant commentary in the Chronicle of Higher Education pointed to a failure in partnering for performance.

In an interview at his home, Mr. Lawton was reluctant to blame what happened on the tenure process or departmental politics. The professor, who wears round-framed glasses and has a gray, bushy beard, said a tenure denial is a failure for everyone involved. “It means you screwed up a hire and you screwed up a mentoring,” said Mr. Lawton, who has been at the university since 1980. (Chronicle of Higher Education, February 15, 2010)

This incident points to the results of leadership that fails to effectively hire, mentor, and evaluate team members. The consequences for failed leadership are just as deadly in churches. Lack of background checks, inadequate recruiting, and lack of supervision with children’s workers has resulted in child molestations that affects families and its witness to a community. Failure to effectively evaluate and mentor church staff members may result in forced terminations, which is equivalent to killing a ministry career.

Yes, partnering for performance is costly in time and resources, but so is the loss of personnel. Unfortunately, many of the churches I have consulted with have built ministry silos. Every staff member does their own ministry with little or no supervision from other staff members or elders. I have heard the average tenure of a pastor is 3-7 years. Youth Ministers have a shorter tenure. How does one measure the damage done to ministries or the loss of morale in the congregation?

In the Southern Baptist Convention about 1000 pastors are forced to resign each year. A 1999 survey found once again the most common causes for firings cited by directors of missions in reports to state convention church-minister relations directors were: control issues regarding who will run the church, poor people skills of the pastor, pastoral leadership style perceived as too strong, the church’s resistance to change and the church was already conflicted when the pastor arrived.

That is why I am so passionate about the “Hands” part of leadership. Honestly, I don’t see an absence of vision among church leaders. What I see is an absence of implementation, which involves equipping and evaluating team members. Your ministry will only be as great as your investment in the lives of those you’ve called to join you in ministry. Failure at this task can be deadly to a ministry.

Effective leaders learn by reading. Even in his early seventies, Harry was a prolific reader. He was always asking his friends what they were reading and he soaked up everything he could get his hands on. If you mentioned a book he had not read, Harry would buy it that week and devour it. I quickly learned that if Harry thought a book was worth the read, I wouldn’t regret the purchase.
Effective leaders read a variety of books. They find leadership principles in the Bible, novels, biographies, magazines, and sociology books. What have you read recently? What did you learn about yourself, about ministry, about people, about leadership? Break out of your mold. Pick up a book from a genre you normally don’t read. In addition to Christian magazines, read business pieces such as Fast Company or Fortune to understand how businesses are dealing with technology and management issues.

Effective leaders learn from others. When I was fortunate enough to have an opportunity to sit down and talk with Harry, I tried to squeeze the wisdom out of this great leader by asking questions and soliciting advice on leadership issues. Not long into our conversations, I realized Harry had changed the direction of the questions and I was the one being quizzed. Harry loved to hear fresh ideas ministers were using to reach people and grow churches.
When Harry attended a professional conference, he was not out in the hallways networking with his buddies. He was in a workshop, taking notes, absorbing every word. This man who had led thousands of Sunday School and leadership conferences always had a positive comment about the conferences he attended and an encouraging word to give the presenter.
In Proverbs 15:22 we read, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Who do you listen to and learn from? Who do you turn to when you need guidance? Develop a long list of people you can call on for advice and counsel. Ask them to serve on your personal board of advisors. Develop friendships with a variety of leaders–business leaders, community and government leaders, ministers from other denominations, ministers in situations similar to yours, leaders in technology, and leaders of schools and other non-profit organizations. Surround yourself with good people and you’ll grow.

Effective leaders learn by leading. You are most ready to learn when you are in the middle of a leadership problem. Seminaries are sometimes criticized because they do not prepare ministers to lead. While you may learn basic information in a classroom environment, the best education happens on the job. Discussing case studies and role-playing how to deal with angry church members are helpful techniques, but your education kicks in when you are confronted with an emotionally distraught church leader after a business meeting. Every so often an alumnus will call and ask if I could send information about an issue he or she is dealing with in ministry. The alumnus remembers we discussed the topic in class, but at the time it didn’t seem important. The truth is, the alumnus wasn’t ready to learn before, when sitting in a classroom. Now, he or she is all ears, actively seeking answers and paying close attention.
We are more motivated to learn when the learning has immediate application. Teenagers are usually not interested in attending classes on parenting. But give them a few years, a marriage, and a toddler who needs potty training and suddenly they are interested in parenting skills.
What skills do you need in your current leadership position? What goals do you have for the coming year? Write your own personal development plan to guide your efforts at learning while leading. Find out what conferences are available to help improve your leadership skills. It has been reported that information is changing so rapidly that the half-life of your seminary degree is three to four years. This means if you want to be an effective minister in this rapidly changing world, you will need to continually retool and constantly work to enhance your skills.

Effective leaders learn by failure. A vice-president in a major corporation walked into the CEO’s office and submitted a letter of resignation. The VP had made a recent decision that had cost the company a very large amount of money, and he was sure his boss would not want him to stay. The CEO read the letter in his presence and then tore it up. The bewildered executive asked, “Why aren’t you accepting my resignation? I just cost the company over a million dollars.” The CEO replied, “I can’t afford to fire you. I’ve got too much invested in your education.” This CEO knew that all of us fail. The question is, “What did you learn from your failures?”
Ineffective leaders attempt to deal with failure by deflecting the blame. By defending their decisions or blaming the results on someone else, or by excusing the results because of circumstances, they refuse to be accountable for their failure. Effective leaders take responsibility for their actions and decisions. They evaluate how they can improve their skills so they don’t make the same mistake twice.
Where have you failed recently? What did you learn from your mistakes? How could you have handled the situation differently? Did you discuss the problem with someone else in order to evaluate your mistakes? What relationships have been bruised? Record these leadership lessons in a journal.

Effective leaders learn by serving. Harry reminded me that leadership is service. It’s amazing what you learn by serving in other non-profit or professional organizations. How do other organizations enlist volunteers? How do they motivate the troops? How do they respond to crisis or criticism? How do they communicate to their constituents?
Harry enjoyed serving others. He didn’t have to have a title or a position to find ways to help others. His agenda was to love those around him. I miss this eternally optimistic servant leader. Thanks, Harry, for serving as a wonderful example of an effective leader.

Staff members and their families are not the only ones affected. A termination has rippling effects though out that individual’s ministry and church. In many cases, the individual was terminated without any opportunity for closure with church friends and fellow staff members. These staff members were surprised when they received the news of the termination. Church members closest to the staff member are also shocked and grieve the loss. In one larger church, the dismissal was conducted by someone in Human Resources, rather than a pastoral staff member. In most cases, the churches behaved less “Christian” than secular businesses. A termination, particularly if it is wrongful, will impact the leadership of those who remain.

Because of the expense of hiring new personnel, secular businesses go to great lengths to find the best prospects, train them, and keep them. When employees do not work out in secular organizations, they have specific procedures for trying to rectify the problem, provide notice of what will occur if improvements are not observed; a process that is clearly articulated over a course of six months to a year. In other words, there should be no surprises.

Some individuals are asked to resign (rather than be fired) and they must sign non-disclosure statements or they will forfeit any severance. A stigma is attached to staff members who are terminated, making it longer for them to secure another ministry position in a church or ministry. That’s why I recommend that a staff member stay in a difficult situation until they are called to another church. Churches take months to “call” ministers. The autonomous nature of many evangelical churches makes it difficult to get a resume before a church and it is a laborious process. It is often not what you know, but who you know.

The purpose of the blog is not to question the decision by a pastor or personnel committee to terminate a church staff member. Sometimes a staff member is not a good fit, or they are not on the same page as to mission or strategy, or they are ineffective in their ministry. Paul and Barnabas parted ways at one point in their ministry. I understand that. My question is not about why, but how. An African proverb says, “It is not only what you do, but how you do it that matters.” I lament for my friends and their losses.

Should churches and non-profit organizations approach hiring and firing differently than secular businesses? How much severance is appropriate? What responsibility does the pastor and church have in shepherding those who are released from the flock? I’d love to hear your thoughts, stories, and faith journeys. Respond on this blog or email me at daryl.eldridge@rsconnect.org. Your name will not be shared with anyone.

When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out. What are my passions? What comes out when the pressures of life squeeze me? What pours out of my soul when I speak or write? Do others know me by what I hate, or by what I love? Do you know of a person, when life squeezes in on them, Jesus comes out?

Unfortunately, evangelical Christians are known more for what they are against, rather than what they are for. If you ask a secular person what are the teachings of Jesus, they say: don’t judge, love unconditionally, and forgive. When a secular person asks about what they think about Christians they often say we are judgmental, bigoted, and unforgiving. In others words, we are the antithesis of Christ. To them, we are the anti-Christ.

Jesus said, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35, NIV) That is often lacking in our public discourse. Christian media spokespersons rail against fellow believers, using hateful language and tone. It brings back memories of Roberta Flack singing, “Where is the love?”

The gospel is not about how to live a moral life, but how your life can be transformed by the love and Spirit of God. Paul, a bi-vocational church planter encouraged followers of Jesus with these words, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. (Galatians 5:22-24, NIV)

Several years ago, I was following a car with a bumper sticker that said, “Honk if you love Jesus.” So, I passed the car and repeatedly honked my horn. To my surprise the man gave me the finger and I don’t think it was the “To God be the Glory” sign. When life squeezes you, what comes out? My prayer is that it will be Jesus.

I’m so sorry to hear this news. It is sad to see a deeply troubled soul. I grieve for his family and friends. The questions are many and any answer or explanation is inadequate. I am aware of several ministers, godly men, who ended their life tragically like this. We grieve over his soul’s lack of hope, his overwhelming despair, and his inability to seeing anything worth living for. We can only surmise the mental and emotional pain he must have been experiencing.

As you know, there are many different reasons/causes for a soul in despair. Depression and other mental illnesses may be due to an absence of certain chemicals in the brain, trauma, unmet expectations, pain, sin, or poor self identity. The list is lengthy. We are complex beings and our body, soul, and spirit interact in mysterious and marvelous ways. Brain research is just beginning to scratch the surface on the relationship between our thoughts, emotions, and behavior. If I have an imbalance of important chemicals in my brain, no matter how hard I try, I can’t control the mental and emotional aspects of my being. Sometimes doctors are able to formulate the right concoction of drugs to replace the missing chemicals in our body. Unfortunately, sometimes the side effects of such prescriptions are worse than the symptoms and themselves lead a person to end life. Whatever the underlying causes for this act, it impaired his ability to hear the voice of God and to find peace. Or in a strange way, maybe his trust in God and his faith in heaven, resulted in the decision to escape the present pain for an everlasting joy.

Some of our curiosity to know how people died or why they suffered from a mental illness may have to do with our desire to control our destiny. If we eat the right food, or if we exercise and not drink alcohol, read our Bible each day and pray, or believe the right things, then maybe we will not come down with that same affliction. What is bothering about individuals, like your friend, is that he was committed to Christ, did all the right things, and still came to a disturbing conclusion.

While each of us can determine certain things and through self-control improve our quality of life, much of life is out of our control. We can’t control our genetic predispositions, circumstances, or other people. We can’t control the aging process, or changing hormones. We can’t control the economy. We just can’t control life. Because of the BRCA1 genetic mutation I inherited from my ancestors, if I live long enough, I will get pancreatic cancer. There is nothing I can do about it. We can either accept the fact that we can’t control life and put our trust in God, or continue our pursuit of control. Suicide bothers us because we view it as playing God. In a sense, suicide is a final act of control.

Before we are too quick to judge him, each day we all play God when we assume control of life. So, as in other things that we cannot control or explain, we trust God to be good and to be Lord. He fashioned us before the world began and knows each one of us intimately. He understands the reasons for this person’s agony, and sees the totality of his life, not just this one selfish, desperate act. We are comforted in knowing that this troubled soul is now at peace. This is grace. And maybe our remembrance of this person will help us to surrender our control of life and trust God regardless of the circumstance or season of life.

Looking forward,

Brad and Brian referred to themselves as the worker B’s. These two guys are amazing. Brad has been installing granite for 14 years. Brian on the other hand is fairly new to the trade. I watched them move a 500 pound of rock from the truck, up five steps, and carefully laid it on the cabinets. They constantly talked to one another. The older, experienced installer told the younger how they were going to move it, step by step. “Will you need to stop?” Brian replied, “No, let’s go all the way.” Brad asked Brian if he was ready and then “3, 2, 1” they slid the granite down the truck. Again, “3, 2, 1” and they slid it another 3 feet. “Three, two, one” and the two picked up the slab and carefully walked toward the house. “How are you doing?” “Piece of cake.” Brad said, “In two feet you’ve got two steps.” Another 3 feet and he said, “You’ve got three more steps.” “Are you okay?” If one of them stumbled, if they were unable to lift it properly, both could have been injured and the single piece of rock would be broken and worthless. Just watching them carry the heavy granite 90 feet made my back hurt. This was one job I’m glad we outsourced.

The Worker B’s laid the granite on the cabinet and then slid it several inches until it rested against the wall. It took brute strength. Miscommunication meant one of them could lose a finger when the rock was pushed against an immovable wall or cabinet. Rock is unforgiving. These two colleagues and friends looked out for one another.

This experience was a great reminder to me that whether it’s a team of 2 or a team of 20, effectiveness and success require constant communication. A word misspoken or misunderstood can sometimes cause irreparable damage to a marriage, a family member, a friendship, a work relationship, or an organization.

Like me, you probably have witnessed a lack of communication in an organization. There is a classic line in the movie, “Cool Hand Luke, ” where one of the prison officials says, “What we have here is failure to communicate.” I’m convinced that one of the things that set great companies apart from average companies is the effectiveness of their communication. Poor leaders withhold information. They fear that if they give information away they lose their power. They want to control it. They hoard it.

Great organizations and great leaders are great communicators. They let people know what they are doing, why they are doing it, and when the action will occur. They communicate constantly. Effective leaders give information away. They seek information. They want to know the truth. They desire feedback from others on how they are doing. Only by knowing what is going on can you improve your organization and your relationships. Communication saves.

Don’t misunderstand me. Each of these items may help one grow spiritually. I find no fault with these activities or suggest that Sparger is wrong. However, his blog led me to some sacred questioning. In spite of pastors’ yearly challenge to read the entire Bible during the year and to practice a daily quiet time,  few Christian take the message to heart. One survey found that only 16% of Christians read the Bible daily.  I asked some well educated men over the weekend what they were reading. Few in the group read anything other than work-related documents. I recall a study that said 10% of Christian books are read by men (those are mostly ministers) and the other 90% are read by women. The fact is, men are not readers and many women are not either.

How much time does it take to do Sparger’s plan? Is this realistic? Was this an expectation of the early disciples, since the Bible was not available to the masses? Has this been a spiritual practice handed down through the centuries or is this a fairly recent expectation?

I’m not trying to give Christians an out for reading God’s Word, but out of sacred curiosity I pose the following questions.  Have we limited spiritual growth to reading? How do we help a generation get connected to God if they are not readers? What are your reactions or experiences?

Charlie Taplin

I was a child when I first met Charlie Taplin. Charlie was a bi-vocational minister. A telephone pole man and later a restaurant owner, he was also our minister of worship. Big in stature and rugged looking from working outside, I remember his strong hand shake and beautiful tenor voice. He was a man’s man. Charlie had no formal musical background, but when he sang you knew he loved Jesus. What he may have lacked in training, he made up for in spirit. He was gifted. It may have been his love for music and his love for Jesus that motivated me to sing. During college and in my early years of ministry, I too, was a worship leader.

One of his favorite songs was “But Until Then,” by Stuart Hamlin. Charlie could never finish the song without crying. I haven’t heard this song in more than 30 years. The music doesn’t fit our contemporary style of worship, but it still captures my thoughts about life, Charlie, and Jesus. The verses of this hymn read,

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that’s winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.
The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they’re borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.
This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it’s released, it’s destined for the skies.
The chorus then resounds with this commitment:

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

This week God called Charlie home.